Navigating Grief

I know I’ve said this before, but I believe it’s worth repeating again.

There is no finish line for grief.

It’s been 9 years since I lost my husband, but I still grieve him. And embracing the fact that I always will gives me permission to be sad, to reminisce, to love, and to laugh about our memories together. The past with him has helped shape who I am today. So why would I fight thinking about that time in my life when it was so instrumental, not only for me but for others who knew and loved him?

Grieving doesn’t mean you will remain in a painful state of mind, but you will always miss what you had. And the holidays that remind you of that loss even more, can be difficult.

If you’re freshly grieving, you may experience dizziness, forgetfulness, loss of appetite, sluggishness, and perhaps even anger. These are temporary symptoms, I promise. I’ve always enjoyed cooking, but after David passed away I lost all interest for awhile. Food lost its flavor and everything smelled sour to me. I would try and run errands, but all I could see were couples holding hands and whispering a secret love language to each other. Many times I would just go back home because the scenes were such a harsh reminder of my loss.

Our first Christmas without him, I wanted to refuse decorating the house. I just couldn’t bear seeing all the trinkets that reminded me of what was gone. With my mom’s and two young teens persistence, I reluctantly did. But the river of tears dampened every gift I wrapped when I filled out each tag with only one name, From: Mom.

But I would encourage you, just like so many encouraged me, to hang in there. The pains will come and go. They will visit you acutely at first and then turn into chronic pains. And there will come a day when there will be so much new in your life that you will look up and think, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even think about them for several hours today.” Don’t be alarmed or feel guilty one bit. Time is healing like that and it would be impossible to hold onto all the old, while at the same time welcoming all the new.

Give yourself permission to…

cry like a big blubbering baby,

laugh, dance and feel happy,

recognize you might be in denial from time to time,

decline invitations if you don’t feel like going,

create new traditions and keep old ones too if you desire,

hang onto nostalgic pieces,

be gentle with yourself,

try new looks,

lay around in your pajamas all day,

find new interests,

keep framed pictures of memories,

and most importantly, continue to live with purpose and love deeply.

Your loved ones would want you to keep going and pass down the importance of thriving in this life. They know time is fleeting and what we choose to do with it matters.

You’re not alone in your grief. Jesus is well acquainted with what grief is and what it feels like. Let him be your Source of comfort because he knows exactly what you need and when it’s needed.

The world is a better place because of that person. But remember, you're just as important too.